Day 236 of 365 - Mindful Listening
'Misunderstanding, not being heard, and missing key information due to poor listening are at the crux of societal ills.' So says Rebecca Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening.
I will readily admit that good listening skills have not come easily to me. Growing up in a big noisy family and having traditional Catholic schooling, the main listening training was for following commands.
Our main reasons for listening are, to get information, to gain understanding, to learn and for enjoyment. However, it has been found that most of us only remember between 25 - 50% of what we hear. The typical barriers to effective listening include things like: being distracted, acting on autopilot, being focused on our own agenda or experiences, and mentally judging and reacting while listening. Listening is affected by both outer distraction and inner mental turbulence.
When I was in university, in my occupational therapy program, I learned more about active listening as part of developing my clinical skills. It is also common in the business world to receive training in listening techniques. The key techniques typically presented are as follows.
Pay attention by putting aside distractions, making eye contact and attending to body language. Show that you are listening by nodding your head or saying 'uh huh' or some other form of acknowledging. Give feedback by asking questions or summarizing what you heard. Defer judgment about what is being said and respond in a respectful way. Following these techniques can be helpful, but can become rote and mechanical too.
Mindful listening takes it to another level. 'Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally' according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, who brought the mindfulness concept to the mainstream many years ago.
Listening mindfully includes the active listening methods, but adds another dimension. Part of being present and paying attention involves clearing your mind, silencing the inner noise of your own thoughts. Instead of just acknowledging the speaker by nodding, the aim is to cultivate empathy for their point of view. Also, it becomes important to pay attention to the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that make you uncomfortable and block you from receiving others ideas and perspectives.
Inherent in mindful listening is slowing down, being curious and resisting the urge to react. It promotes calm and understanding and makes people feel valued. Do you sense the difference between active listening and mindful listening? Ultimately, the speaker wants to feel understood and heard, and the listener wants to hear the whole message.
Again, I admit that this definitely remains a work in progress for me. Even as a clinician, I developed poor listening habits when I was more focused on my own treatment agenda or time pressures than on fully hearing a client.
Being a good listener relieves stress for both parties. Even though my old habits can still create barriers to mindful listening, it is worthwhile for me to continue practicing to be better at it.
I will readily admit that good listening skills have not come easily to me. Growing up in a big noisy family and having traditional Catholic schooling, the main listening training was for following commands.
Our main reasons for listening are, to get information, to gain understanding, to learn and for enjoyment. However, it has been found that most of us only remember between 25 - 50% of what we hear. The typical barriers to effective listening include things like: being distracted, acting on autopilot, being focused on our own agenda or experiences, and mentally judging and reacting while listening. Listening is affected by both outer distraction and inner mental turbulence.
When I was in university, in my occupational therapy program, I learned more about active listening as part of developing my clinical skills. It is also common in the business world to receive training in listening techniques. The key techniques typically presented are as follows.
Pay attention by putting aside distractions, making eye contact and attending to body language. Show that you are listening by nodding your head or saying 'uh huh' or some other form of acknowledging. Give feedback by asking questions or summarizing what you heard. Defer judgment about what is being said and respond in a respectful way. Following these techniques can be helpful, but can become rote and mechanical too.
Mindful listening takes it to another level. 'Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally' according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, who brought the mindfulness concept to the mainstream many years ago.
Listening mindfully includes the active listening methods, but adds another dimension. Part of being present and paying attention involves clearing your mind, silencing the inner noise of your own thoughts. Instead of just acknowledging the speaker by nodding, the aim is to cultivate empathy for their point of view. Also, it becomes important to pay attention to the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that make you uncomfortable and block you from receiving others ideas and perspectives.
Inherent in mindful listening is slowing down, being curious and resisting the urge to react. It promotes calm and understanding and makes people feel valued. Do you sense the difference between active listening and mindful listening? Ultimately, the speaker wants to feel understood and heard, and the listener wants to hear the whole message.
Again, I admit that this definitely remains a work in progress for me. Even as a clinician, I developed poor listening habits when I was more focused on my own treatment agenda or time pressures than on fully hearing a client.
Being a good listener relieves stress for both parties. Even though my old habits can still create barriers to mindful listening, it is worthwhile for me to continue practicing to be better at it.
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