Day 228 of 365 - The Good in Suffering
None of us like it, yet, it seems to be a frequent visitor in our lives. When we have suffered a severe pain or trauma, we might say we would not wish it on our worst enemy. On another day, when we feel wronged, we might wish the offender a much worse experience.
So much of our lives seems to be about avoiding or recovering from suffering. Our incessant search for happiness may mainly be a detour around suffering.
If it never really feels worthwhile to suffer, what is the value in it? According to Rabbi Steve Leder, author of More Beautiful Than Before - How Suffering Transforms Us, it teaches us humility among other things. If we've thought we can do everything on our own, we find out that we actually need others. It shows us clearly who really matters and who does not.
Experiencing our own suffering gives us an appreciation for what others have been through, perhaps making us kinder and more empathetic. Suffering also shows us what we can endure. When we are going through something terrible, we think it will never end, but sooner or later, it does. The disruption in our lives can even be a catalyst for growth, by forcing a change in perspective.
We have an innate tendency toward survival, and will do in the moment what needs to be done to insure that. Beyond survival strategies though, healing and growth can also occur. Those require really feeling and acknowledging suffering, as well as accepting support. Being able to both reach out and be reachable helps get us past mere survival or denial.
How can we help someone who is suffering? We can listen to their story and acknowledge their experience. We can just show up and do something concrete that needs doing. We can remind them of hard times they have surpassed before and that they do have internal resources.
What if we are the cause of suffering to another? Admit wrongdoing to initiate healing and reconciliation. Seek forgiveness, make amends and commit to not repeating the offense.
If all this sounds like a bunch of platitudes, in a way it is. But, the truth is, hearing people who have suffered greatly in some way, or helped others through their suffering, is oddly comforting. When we are in a coping state of dysfunctional independence, being overly self-sufficient, those platitudes sound like bunk. However, when we open up to the support and kindness of others, we realize we are not alone.
Nature and life constantly remind us that we are only a small part in a much greater whole of existence, which both deteriorates and regenerates. As humans, despite ourselves and our pride in being self-sufficient, we are hard wired for connection. Sometimes, it is suffering that is our greatest teacher of that.
So much of our lives seems to be about avoiding or recovering from suffering. Our incessant search for happiness may mainly be a detour around suffering.
If it never really feels worthwhile to suffer, what is the value in it? According to Rabbi Steve Leder, author of More Beautiful Than Before - How Suffering Transforms Us, it teaches us humility among other things. If we've thought we can do everything on our own, we find out that we actually need others. It shows us clearly who really matters and who does not.
Experiencing our own suffering gives us an appreciation for what others have been through, perhaps making us kinder and more empathetic. Suffering also shows us what we can endure. When we are going through something terrible, we think it will never end, but sooner or later, it does. The disruption in our lives can even be a catalyst for growth, by forcing a change in perspective.
We have an innate tendency toward survival, and will do in the moment what needs to be done to insure that. Beyond survival strategies though, healing and growth can also occur. Those require really feeling and acknowledging suffering, as well as accepting support. Being able to both reach out and be reachable helps get us past mere survival or denial.
How can we help someone who is suffering? We can listen to their story and acknowledge their experience. We can just show up and do something concrete that needs doing. We can remind them of hard times they have surpassed before and that they do have internal resources.
What if we are the cause of suffering to another? Admit wrongdoing to initiate healing and reconciliation. Seek forgiveness, make amends and commit to not repeating the offense.
If all this sounds like a bunch of platitudes, in a way it is. But, the truth is, hearing people who have suffered greatly in some way, or helped others through their suffering, is oddly comforting. When we are in a coping state of dysfunctional independence, being overly self-sufficient, those platitudes sound like bunk. However, when we open up to the support and kindness of others, we realize we are not alone.
Nature and life constantly remind us that we are only a small part in a much greater whole of existence, which both deteriorates and regenerates. As humans, despite ourselves and our pride in being self-sufficient, we are hard wired for connection. Sometimes, it is suffering that is our greatest teacher of that.
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