Day 224 of 365 - Positive Obstacles
I'm still working my way through the book called Flow, which I referred to briefly in a previous post. The section I read recently, was examining what factors allow people to transform seemingly bleak conditions into a joyful way of living.
In our Western culture, we tend to be taught to focus on achieving and maintaining happiness. This usually refers to achieving different levels of reward, by meeting societal expectations and standards. Success is held in high esteem and failure is generally frowned upon. If we can't meet expectations, there is something wrong that needs to be fixed.
Most people learn over time, that circumstances of hardship and difficulty can also have their rewards. However, in general, we are somewhat addicted to the notion that life should provide us with favorable, rather than unfavorable conditions. Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron, calls this a positive obstacle. That's because when we have a tunnel vision expectation of how life ought to be, and situations arise which challenge that, we may fail to learn from it and expand our awareness, if we are too caught up in being a victim.
In the Flow book, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, henceforth to be referred to as M.C., describes ways that people can cope with stress to turn destructive events into positive ones, leading to a state of flow. He shares example of people have undergone tragic life events, yet learn to live joyful, fulfilled lives. He also shares stories of homeless people who have come to live in contentment, and actually prefer their way of life over the typical societal norm.
However, we can all benefit from tips for making order out of chaos, without having to go through those types of major crises.
Although it is common to think that in order to cope with stressful events we need external supports and psychological resources, M.C. points out that those are only valuable to the person who has chosen to help themselves make a change. He describes three main steps to this kind of transformation:
1. Having a self-assurance which stems from a belief that we can determine our own destiny by using the resources we have around us. One must still have a goal to strive for, which precludes just being a victim in self-pity. The goal we choose will define the actions we take, and implies ownership of decisions, rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.
2. Focusing attention on processing information from our surroundings, rather than fixating on the self. Being in flow means being prepared for noticing unexpected opportunities and letting go of preconceived notions. It is objective and makes us aware of alternatives.
3. Discovering new solutions, either by focusing on removing obstacles to our goals, or, focusing on the entire situation to discover alternatives. Choosing the approach that creates more enjoyment is more likely to induce flow. Also, having a deep involvement in our chosen activity, in a way that balances opportunities with our skills is beneficial.
It's not a passive process. It requires an investment of our energy, but this is coupled with learning to enjoy the experience and create harmony in whatever we are doing. As a concrete example, M.C. describes how one could respond to losing a job. People tend to respond at first with what he calls an immature defense, where they wallow in self-pity and do impulsive things. Eventually a more mature defense response hopefully arises. It is this one which is more likely to lead to a flow state. For example, the person may begin to be grateful for the opportunity to explore something else. The goal overall may be a new job or career, or not, but they realize they have choices. Their explorations and conversations may lead to becoming aware of a previously unknown opportunity which is a good match for their skills. Ideally, they will pursue an opportunity which allows them to use and expand their skill set while doing something they enjoy even more than what they were doing before.
Removing the positive obstacle of expectation, for a status quo lifestyle to bring happiness, creates more opportunity for expansion and appreciation of life experience.
In our Western culture, we tend to be taught to focus on achieving and maintaining happiness. This usually refers to achieving different levels of reward, by meeting societal expectations and standards. Success is held in high esteem and failure is generally frowned upon. If we can't meet expectations, there is something wrong that needs to be fixed.
Most people learn over time, that circumstances of hardship and difficulty can also have their rewards. However, in general, we are somewhat addicted to the notion that life should provide us with favorable, rather than unfavorable conditions. Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron, calls this a positive obstacle. That's because when we have a tunnel vision expectation of how life ought to be, and situations arise which challenge that, we may fail to learn from it and expand our awareness, if we are too caught up in being a victim.
In the Flow book, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, henceforth to be referred to as M.C., describes ways that people can cope with stress to turn destructive events into positive ones, leading to a state of flow. He shares example of people have undergone tragic life events, yet learn to live joyful, fulfilled lives. He also shares stories of homeless people who have come to live in contentment, and actually prefer their way of life over the typical societal norm.
However, we can all benefit from tips for making order out of chaos, without having to go through those types of major crises.
Although it is common to think that in order to cope with stressful events we need external supports and psychological resources, M.C. points out that those are only valuable to the person who has chosen to help themselves make a change. He describes three main steps to this kind of transformation:
1. Having a self-assurance which stems from a belief that we can determine our own destiny by using the resources we have around us. One must still have a goal to strive for, which precludes just being a victim in self-pity. The goal we choose will define the actions we take, and implies ownership of decisions, rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.
2. Focusing attention on processing information from our surroundings, rather than fixating on the self. Being in flow means being prepared for noticing unexpected opportunities and letting go of preconceived notions. It is objective and makes us aware of alternatives.
3. Discovering new solutions, either by focusing on removing obstacles to our goals, or, focusing on the entire situation to discover alternatives. Choosing the approach that creates more enjoyment is more likely to induce flow. Also, having a deep involvement in our chosen activity, in a way that balances opportunities with our skills is beneficial.
It's not a passive process. It requires an investment of our energy, but this is coupled with learning to enjoy the experience and create harmony in whatever we are doing. As a concrete example, M.C. describes how one could respond to losing a job. People tend to respond at first with what he calls an immature defense, where they wallow in self-pity and do impulsive things. Eventually a more mature defense response hopefully arises. It is this one which is more likely to lead to a flow state. For example, the person may begin to be grateful for the opportunity to explore something else. The goal overall may be a new job or career, or not, but they realize they have choices. Their explorations and conversations may lead to becoming aware of a previously unknown opportunity which is a good match for their skills. Ideally, they will pursue an opportunity which allows them to use and expand their skill set while doing something they enjoy even more than what they were doing before.
Removing the positive obstacle of expectation, for a status quo lifestyle to bring happiness, creates more opportunity for expansion and appreciation of life experience.
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