Day 150 of 365 - Ancestral Gift or Curse?
How often have you heard expressions like 'they have always been like that', 'it runs in our family', 'you are just like _____ '(your mother, your father) ? It sort of begs the old nature versus nurture question again.
As I may have mentioned in some previous posts, regarding health issues, medical research in the last couple of decades has discounted the former popular belief that our genes are our destiny. There are actually not that many diseases which are directly predicted by our genome. Rather, what has been found instead, via the scientific field of epigenetics is, that we may have many genetic tendencies but their expression is not written in stone.
The gun may be loaded, as in a strong family history of heart disease, as existed in both my parents, but the trigger of expression is pulled from a cumulative building up of pressure from many factors. So, I can no longer 'just blame my parents' for having high cholesterol or other risk factors associated with heart disease. And, there are many things I can do to prevent or limit my inherited tendencies towards it's expression.
Likewise, there can be strong patterns of repetition of behavioral patterns in our families. For example, I can still picture the look on my father's face when he used an expression like 'Don't you talk back to me!' He had a temper, and you were wise to be at a distance if you chose to challenge him. In my early teen years, feeling that I 'knew better' I sometimes tried this, but did not get far. Then I switched to a more compassionate tactic and for awhile, started leaving little notes in his lunch box. I don't even remember exactly what I said in them now, but they were positive things, maybe something as simple as 'Have a nice day!' I don't remember any feedback about those either.
Of course, as is often the case, I swore to myself that I would never be the angry parent, that I would change the pattern. Then, years later, in a moment of parental exhaustion and frustration, I hear the same words coming out of my own mouth, in the same tone of voice. Yikes! These patterns are deeply ingrained in our subconscious, perhaps for generations. What a curse!
Eventually I learned more about my father's history, something he did not talk much about. He also had a very angry father from whom he learned his behavior, and who knows how many generations there were before, acting the same way.
Maybe, likely, there are all sorts of patterns that 'run in our family'. But, with awareness of those patterns and the underlying roots of them, we can make an effort to change what no longer serves us. And hopefully, our offspring and subsequent generations will do the same.
Today, as I picture my father's face, instead I imagine him as really wanting to say 'Please talk to me. Please listen to me.' He just did not know how to do that when I was young.
I am thankful for the energy of my father bringing this into my awareness today, many, many years after he has passed on. It is my special little gift from him for today.
As I may have mentioned in some previous posts, regarding health issues, medical research in the last couple of decades has discounted the former popular belief that our genes are our destiny. There are actually not that many diseases which are directly predicted by our genome. Rather, what has been found instead, via the scientific field of epigenetics is, that we may have many genetic tendencies but their expression is not written in stone.
The gun may be loaded, as in a strong family history of heart disease, as existed in both my parents, but the trigger of expression is pulled from a cumulative building up of pressure from many factors. So, I can no longer 'just blame my parents' for having high cholesterol or other risk factors associated with heart disease. And, there are many things I can do to prevent or limit my inherited tendencies towards it's expression.
Likewise, there can be strong patterns of repetition of behavioral patterns in our families. For example, I can still picture the look on my father's face when he used an expression like 'Don't you talk back to me!' He had a temper, and you were wise to be at a distance if you chose to challenge him. In my early teen years, feeling that I 'knew better' I sometimes tried this, but did not get far. Then I switched to a more compassionate tactic and for awhile, started leaving little notes in his lunch box. I don't even remember exactly what I said in them now, but they were positive things, maybe something as simple as 'Have a nice day!' I don't remember any feedback about those either.
Of course, as is often the case, I swore to myself that I would never be the angry parent, that I would change the pattern. Then, years later, in a moment of parental exhaustion and frustration, I hear the same words coming out of my own mouth, in the same tone of voice. Yikes! These patterns are deeply ingrained in our subconscious, perhaps for generations. What a curse!
Eventually I learned more about my father's history, something he did not talk much about. He also had a very angry father from whom he learned his behavior, and who knows how many generations there were before, acting the same way.
Maybe, likely, there are all sorts of patterns that 'run in our family'. But, with awareness of those patterns and the underlying roots of them, we can make an effort to change what no longer serves us. And hopefully, our offspring and subsequent generations will do the same.
Today, as I picture my father's face, instead I imagine him as really wanting to say 'Please talk to me. Please listen to me.' He just did not know how to do that when I was young.
I am thankful for the energy of my father bringing this into my awareness today, many, many years after he has passed on. It is my special little gift from him for today.
Lovely.
ReplyDelete