Day 118 of 365 - Compassion for Self and Others
I've been reading and listening to presentations incorporating the concept of compassion recently. The definition of compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.
Tied into the notion of having compassion is being non-judgmental. When I have no judgment, I see everyone with kindness. When compassion feels difficult or impossible it is usually because there is judgment present. Judgment comes from our mind and ego. It can be a habitual way of thinking which reinforces our negative beliefs about people and things.
I can certainly relate to this, and perhaps you can too. We live in a society which has trained us to constantly be comparing ourselves to others and to judge either ourselves or others as better or worse. This creates feelings of separation.
The presentations I have been listening to, come at this notion of compassion and judgment from different directions. One approach suggests that when you stop judging yourself, you're going to find that you judge others less. So, when you start noticing you are judging yourself, you could pause and remind yourself that you are worth loving. This tackles the limiting beliefs about self-worth and self-acceptance.
The other approach suggests that when you stop judging others, you stop judging yourself. A way to practice this is by finding reasons to be thankful for the person or situation you are judging. There is apparently a link between gratitude and compassion.
A simple meditation practice which ties both of these approaches together is called Metta, or Loving Kindness Meditation. It involves feeling care and warmth for oneself and others. There are various phrases which are used in a progression from self to others. For example: May I be happy. May I be free of pain and suffering. May I be healthy and strong. May I live with peace, joy and ease.
You start with yourself, then move on to a person for whom you feel unconditional loving kindness. Then, you move on to a friend, then on to a neutral person for whom you feel neither like nor dislike. Next, you move on to a person with whom you have difficulty due to hostile feelings or resentments. Lastly, you radiate loving kindness out to all beings.
Different teachers suggest different methods for doing this meditation practice. In general, it is recommended to practice for 15 minutes at a time. Some propose that when you are first developing the practice, you focus on yourself with the phrases for five minutes, several days in a row. When you feel comfortable with that, move on to include others.
Personally, some days I feel like I would have to live in a monastery the rest of my life to achieve loving kindness towards everyone. Other days may seem easier. The important thing is, even if it feels mechanical and awkward at first, or feelings of irritation and anger come up, be patient and kind towards yourself. We are working toward opening our hearts, first to ourselves and then to others. If we need to practice for a long time to release our judgment, so be it.
When I have no judgment, I see everyone with kindness, including me. That seems a worthy goal.
Tied into the notion of having compassion is being non-judgmental. When I have no judgment, I see everyone with kindness. When compassion feels difficult or impossible it is usually because there is judgment present. Judgment comes from our mind and ego. It can be a habitual way of thinking which reinforces our negative beliefs about people and things.
I can certainly relate to this, and perhaps you can too. We live in a society which has trained us to constantly be comparing ourselves to others and to judge either ourselves or others as better or worse. This creates feelings of separation.
The presentations I have been listening to, come at this notion of compassion and judgment from different directions. One approach suggests that when you stop judging yourself, you're going to find that you judge others less. So, when you start noticing you are judging yourself, you could pause and remind yourself that you are worth loving. This tackles the limiting beliefs about self-worth and self-acceptance.
The other approach suggests that when you stop judging others, you stop judging yourself. A way to practice this is by finding reasons to be thankful for the person or situation you are judging. There is apparently a link between gratitude and compassion.
A simple meditation practice which ties both of these approaches together is called Metta, or Loving Kindness Meditation. It involves feeling care and warmth for oneself and others. There are various phrases which are used in a progression from self to others. For example: May I be happy. May I be free of pain and suffering. May I be healthy and strong. May I live with peace, joy and ease.
You start with yourself, then move on to a person for whom you feel unconditional loving kindness. Then, you move on to a friend, then on to a neutral person for whom you feel neither like nor dislike. Next, you move on to a person with whom you have difficulty due to hostile feelings or resentments. Lastly, you radiate loving kindness out to all beings.
Different teachers suggest different methods for doing this meditation practice. In general, it is recommended to practice for 15 minutes at a time. Some propose that when you are first developing the practice, you focus on yourself with the phrases for five minutes, several days in a row. When you feel comfortable with that, move on to include others.
Personally, some days I feel like I would have to live in a monastery the rest of my life to achieve loving kindness towards everyone. Other days may seem easier. The important thing is, even if it feels mechanical and awkward at first, or feelings of irritation and anger come up, be patient and kind towards yourself. We are working toward opening our hearts, first to ourselves and then to others. If we need to practice for a long time to release our judgment, so be it.
When I have no judgment, I see everyone with kindness, including me. That seems a worthy goal.
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