Day 115 of 365 - Resting in Peace

Okay, definitely an 'outside the box' post today.

This fall, it will be forty years ago that it happened.  I was 30 weeks pregnant and had recently been hospitalized after being diagnosed with what was commonly called toxemia or pregnancy induced hypertension, which led to pre-eclampsia, which becomes a very high risk scenario with excessively high blood pressure.

I had been admitted to hospital that day to be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, which turned out to end that day.  A few hours after I was admitted, my blood pressure was found to be in a dangerous zone.  Consultation between the residents on duty and my obstetrician resulted in a decision to do an emergency C-Section.

Our son was whisked off to the neonatal intensive care unit, where he stayed for the next eight weeks, continuing his maturation to be able to live in the big world.  (He is fine, a healthy, thriving adult.)

When I woke up from my general anesthesia, I was in a lot of pain from the surgery. I may now not be remembering events in exact sequence.  However, for the sake of the story, I'll assume that my husband had come in to see that I was okay, and then went off to the NICU to be introduced to our son, once he was stabilized in his incubator.

Sometime that night, when nobody was in the room to witness it, I briefly left this world.  I believe that I had a near death experience.  I was receiving IV medication but was not on any monitoring equipment that I recall.

No, I did not rise above my body and see what was happening to it.  No, I did not move through a tunnel of light either.  I was just suddenly in a light and dreamy place where I felt completely peaceful and cradled in love.  It was like being in a bubble of Universal Love.  It was for me, an experience of God.

I did not have a life review, nor did anyone give me a choice about staying or going back.  Just as suddenly, there I was, back in my pain-filled body.  I guess I was not finished learning my life school lessons.  But, I'll never forget that experience of pure bliss and comfort, unlike anything experienced in my physical form.

I did not share my experience with anyone for quite some time.  It seemed almost selfish to do so, since my duty was to be here for my son, rather than talking about some far away happy place.

Since then, I have had no fear of death.  I may not enjoy the process of getting there, if it involves prolonged pain and suffering, but once it comes, I will happily open my arms to that experience of Universal Love again.  I share this story today for the comfort of those who have recently lost or are losing loved ones.  They really are, or will be, resting in peace.

If you are interested, I also invite you to listen online to Brenda McMorrow's song, I Open My Arms to Love, based on a Sanskrit mantra which is not particularly about death, but in a way represents how I would like to embrace the situation when my next time comes.  In the meantime, to quote Ram Dass, we are all just walking each other home.


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