Day 54 of 365 - The Legacy of Loved Ones
The holiday season can be a bittersweet time of year, especially if it has been a year of losing loved ones. In my circle of family and friends it certainly has. Both myself and my husband lost sisters this year. My son and daughter-in-law and also my very dear friends lost their beloved dogs, who were also considered as members of their families.
All the 'firsts' in the year after a death can be particularly heart wrenching, as we experience the events of the season or holiday from this perspective of loss. But, what if, instead of dwelling mainly on our painful grieving, which has its place, we consider the legacy of love which they left to us.
This legacy is passed on, not only in grand gestures or events of their lives, but mostly in the multitude of little things and memories.
My eldest sister Judy, who died this past spring, was ten years older than me. Because there were several children in our family, it fell to her as the oldest girl, to help out a lot with the babies. She took this role seriously and continued being a second mother to us even as she grew into her own adulthood, and especially after our mother died.
It was important to her to keep traditions. That meant that for several years when our boys were young she continued to send them Christmas presents like sweaters she had knitted for them. Although she was not the baker our mother was, she would still do Christmas baking. Our mom made amazing cookies and bars for the holidays. Whenever Judy had family gatherings for a big meal, it was important to her to use serving dishes and display the food nicely on the table, something she had learned from our mom.
Her children will sorely miss this year the traditions they had developed from families of both parents. Their dad was of German heritage, so they always had that lineage of food for their Christmas Eve celebration. Then, it also became a tradition to have extended family come for a big meal on Boxing Day. Whoever was available was welcome.
Even if we did not always agree on things, or broke from some of the family traditions in our own homes, we knew we would be welcome at my sister's. That was learned from my mother too. Whenever someone came to our family home for the first time, and I clearly remember my mom doing this the first time I brought my husband, then boyfriend to meet them, she did an almost little curtsy and said 'You're welcome.' It was such a sweet and meaningful gesture.
Those traditions and little gestures contained the dreams of how they saw love expressed, even if they were not so comfortable in using words as these expressions. And, in the case of beloved pets who are gone, we also remember their unique habits and mannerisms which expressed their devotion to us.
I'd like to close this post today with a quote from writer Dawna Markova, from her book Wide Open, which was given to me by another sister, Jill.
"May you remember those who passed on to you the seeds of their dreams so you might grow."
All the 'firsts' in the year after a death can be particularly heart wrenching, as we experience the events of the season or holiday from this perspective of loss. But, what if, instead of dwelling mainly on our painful grieving, which has its place, we consider the legacy of love which they left to us.
This legacy is passed on, not only in grand gestures or events of their lives, but mostly in the multitude of little things and memories.
My eldest sister Judy, who died this past spring, was ten years older than me. Because there were several children in our family, it fell to her as the oldest girl, to help out a lot with the babies. She took this role seriously and continued being a second mother to us even as she grew into her own adulthood, and especially after our mother died.
It was important to her to keep traditions. That meant that for several years when our boys were young she continued to send them Christmas presents like sweaters she had knitted for them. Although she was not the baker our mother was, she would still do Christmas baking. Our mom made amazing cookies and bars for the holidays. Whenever Judy had family gatherings for a big meal, it was important to her to use serving dishes and display the food nicely on the table, something she had learned from our mom.
Her children will sorely miss this year the traditions they had developed from families of both parents. Their dad was of German heritage, so they always had that lineage of food for their Christmas Eve celebration. Then, it also became a tradition to have extended family come for a big meal on Boxing Day. Whoever was available was welcome.
Even if we did not always agree on things, or broke from some of the family traditions in our own homes, we knew we would be welcome at my sister's. That was learned from my mother too. Whenever someone came to our family home for the first time, and I clearly remember my mom doing this the first time I brought my husband, then boyfriend to meet them, she did an almost little curtsy and said 'You're welcome.' It was such a sweet and meaningful gesture.
Those traditions and little gestures contained the dreams of how they saw love expressed, even if they were not so comfortable in using words as these expressions. And, in the case of beloved pets who are gone, we also remember their unique habits and mannerisms which expressed their devotion to us.
I'd like to close this post today with a quote from writer Dawna Markova, from her book Wide Open, which was given to me by another sister, Jill.
"May you remember those who passed on to you the seeds of their dreams so you might grow."
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