Day 33 of 365 - Letting Go
The rapid falling of the leaves this week reminds me of the different cycles of life and has me pondering about letting go, what that experience has been like for both myself and others. This is something that comes more to the forefront of the mind as I head into my senior years.
The year I turned 50, I made the huge decision to let go of my professional career of occupational therapy, which I had practiced on both a full and part-time basis since graduating in 1977, for 27 years. If I had been thinking mainly in terms of future financial security from pension contributions, I would have stayed in my last job for another 12 years. But, I was ready for a change. I have only done casual or part-time work in completely unrelated areas ever since. In hindsight, which is often more clear, I sometimes regret doing that. But, what's done is done.
As mentioned in another post, that year of 2004 is when I began uncluttering my home in earnest. That was a big letting go of many things related to our boys childhood years. There were many nostalgic moments as I sorted through items and remembered those times.
The last house we lived in, for twelve years, was very old. In the time that we had lived there a lot of upgrading was required for basic things like roofing, electrical, plumbing and so on. We had spent a lot of money on those things and there was still more to be done, like new windows and doors. In 2010, after a big plumbing fiasco, I decided enough was enough. The repairs were done but I did not want to remain in endless debt to this house. That was the year I began actively campaigning with my husband to move to a rental. We no longer had children at home and it seemed a good time to let go of the idea of living in an owned home forever.
That was when the biggest purging of belongings began, partly to prepare the house for sale and, partly to downsize to the anticipated smaller living and storage space. It took longer than expected for the house to sell, which in hindsight was fine, because it took some time to convince my husband that apartment living would be okay. Although we were not originally intending to live in a high rise, a chance viewing of a building with a neighbor who was looking, changed our minds. At that time we let go of the notion that we would find an ideal apartment in a home similar to where we had lived before. That particular search had been disappointing.
We have been in a spacious three bedroom apartment almost seven years. It was definitely an adjustment but has been mostly a positive experience, except for times when the building has undergone noisy or dusty renovations. And, in the time we have been here, I have been gradually letting go of more and more belongings in anticipation of likely needing to move somewhere smaller again in the not too distant future.
Another thing we have let go in the last few years is having a pet. We have had several cats over the years, and have very much enjoyed their companionship and their personalities. We came to this apartment with a cat, but I was never comfortable with managing the logistics of finding just the right place for the litter box. It was an ongoing source of irritation to me. Once the last cat died I decided I did not want to have another one in an apartment setting. We have toyed sometimes with the idea of getting a dog but have not taken any action on that.
So, in some ways, it seems that the scope of my life has gotten much smaller as the years have gone by. That is true in terms of career responsibilities, homeowner responsibilities and parenting responsibilities as well as financial income. In other ways my life has expanded in terms of fitness and social activities as well as freedom to create my own schedule and pursue other interests.
With every letting go, or loss of most kinds, there is a void or space between the ending of the old way and the development of a new way. If we don't rush to fill in that space, perhaps we have more opportunity to create or experience something new and unique for ourselves. As the years go by, I've become more willing to see how life unfolds to some extent. This is not my natural inclination. I like to plan ahead, be organized and in control. But, with each passing year I'm learning that's not always possible or feasible. Maybe that's a primary lesson for me in this lifetime. In any case, it seems better for my health and vitality at this point, to just be more willing to ease up on expectations and go with the flow. I've survived so far and probably will for many more years.
The year I turned 50, I made the huge decision to let go of my professional career of occupational therapy, which I had practiced on both a full and part-time basis since graduating in 1977, for 27 years. If I had been thinking mainly in terms of future financial security from pension contributions, I would have stayed in my last job for another 12 years. But, I was ready for a change. I have only done casual or part-time work in completely unrelated areas ever since. In hindsight, which is often more clear, I sometimes regret doing that. But, what's done is done.
As mentioned in another post, that year of 2004 is when I began uncluttering my home in earnest. That was a big letting go of many things related to our boys childhood years. There were many nostalgic moments as I sorted through items and remembered those times.
The last house we lived in, for twelve years, was very old. In the time that we had lived there a lot of upgrading was required for basic things like roofing, electrical, plumbing and so on. We had spent a lot of money on those things and there was still more to be done, like new windows and doors. In 2010, after a big plumbing fiasco, I decided enough was enough. The repairs were done but I did not want to remain in endless debt to this house. That was the year I began actively campaigning with my husband to move to a rental. We no longer had children at home and it seemed a good time to let go of the idea of living in an owned home forever.
That was when the biggest purging of belongings began, partly to prepare the house for sale and, partly to downsize to the anticipated smaller living and storage space. It took longer than expected for the house to sell, which in hindsight was fine, because it took some time to convince my husband that apartment living would be okay. Although we were not originally intending to live in a high rise, a chance viewing of a building with a neighbor who was looking, changed our minds. At that time we let go of the notion that we would find an ideal apartment in a home similar to where we had lived before. That particular search had been disappointing.
We have been in a spacious three bedroom apartment almost seven years. It was definitely an adjustment but has been mostly a positive experience, except for times when the building has undergone noisy or dusty renovations. And, in the time we have been here, I have been gradually letting go of more and more belongings in anticipation of likely needing to move somewhere smaller again in the not too distant future.
Another thing we have let go in the last few years is having a pet. We have had several cats over the years, and have very much enjoyed their companionship and their personalities. We came to this apartment with a cat, but I was never comfortable with managing the logistics of finding just the right place for the litter box. It was an ongoing source of irritation to me. Once the last cat died I decided I did not want to have another one in an apartment setting. We have toyed sometimes with the idea of getting a dog but have not taken any action on that.
So, in some ways, it seems that the scope of my life has gotten much smaller as the years have gone by. That is true in terms of career responsibilities, homeowner responsibilities and parenting responsibilities as well as financial income. In other ways my life has expanded in terms of fitness and social activities as well as freedom to create my own schedule and pursue other interests.
With every letting go, or loss of most kinds, there is a void or space between the ending of the old way and the development of a new way. If we don't rush to fill in that space, perhaps we have more opportunity to create or experience something new and unique for ourselves. As the years go by, I've become more willing to see how life unfolds to some extent. This is not my natural inclination. I like to plan ahead, be organized and in control. But, with each passing year I'm learning that's not always possible or feasible. Maybe that's a primary lesson for me in this lifetime. In any case, it seems better for my health and vitality at this point, to just be more willing to ease up on expectations and go with the flow. I've survived so far and probably will for many more years.
Lovely!
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